For what?
I called myself a Christian growing up. I guess. I went to church, Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday. In High school I remember my best friend Steve asking me in the hall one day, are you going to the new FCA meeting. Yes I was! That was Freshman year. My heavy involvement lasted until my first year in college at CMSU. Then things started to shift. I realized that some were using their religion or Christianity as a crutch or an easy out to life. Not as honor or truth but now that I think back almost as a weapon against someone they either didn’t like or didn’t want to have to be closer to than they were.
I wasn’t going to add this, but decided to go ahead. I’m not sure these are the exact moments that started my shift, but they are two things that are still with me. I also don’t remember the order in which they happened. The first story, might be the first.
My freshman year in college, again I was very involved with Fellowship of Christian Athletes. I realize now I was edging into fundamentalism. I had no intention of doing anything but classes and FCA. As was my roommate who was a sophomore and the sister of my favorite teacher from Junior High. It was a good match and the person who I had intended to room with had decided to either not go to CMSU or wait.
I had no intention or interest in sorority. My friend and neighborhood friend who was also somewhat involved in FCA in High School was in a sorority and asked me to go through RUSH just to see. I said, okay. This experience did change my mind set for the right reasons. After a long talk with my Mom, I pledged. I didn’t go active, but they actually helped me later with classes and study. I was not ready for college.
Yes there are parties. There are events with alcohol. The sorority I joined was also the one who maintained the highest GPA of Panhellenic. This was helpful for me. But like most who either don’t explore or take at face value what ‘they hear’ about something, the experience of asking someone I was interested in from high school who was also an FCA member to the Christmas party. I don’t recall exactly what his answer was. I heard later the he told someone that he worried it would damage his “witness” to go to a sorority party. Huh, okay. So going to a party and being who you are, not drinking or having a good time maybe not drinking, how does that damage your witness? It doesn’t. It is a judgement of others that I realized I was also guilty of. Even saying at an FCA meeting in high school and ‘praying’ for my neighborhood friend who I had heard was “partying” a lot in college.
I left CMSU after that first year. I didn’t have to but my grades were in the tank and I thought it would take too much to bring them back up. After the summer I got a job in a factory and went to community college in an effort to bring my GPA back up. I did and went back to CMSU. Less involved in FCA. And after another year, now knowing what I wanted to do, I left CMSU again.
It was after that I believe I was hanging out with a couple of friends from high school at the neighborhood pizza joint. We decided to call our favorite teacher. This person was also a member of the church I grew up in. We thought we’d meet up. She had just returned from a trip and was tired. All good! But then a few minutes later over the PA in the restaurant we heard, Leigh you have a phone call up front. This was long before cell phones, we had called her on a payphone. Yes she was exhausted, but she couldn’t pass up seeing the 3 or 4 of us all together. We loaded up in the car and headed to her house.
I believe now she sensed a change in me. She reminded me about the time after saying I missed seeing her in church. I don’t remember what she said but obviously at the time it wasn’t good enough for me because my response was something along the lines of, well I hope that the day you need him(God) he’s not to tired or too busy or whatever I said. I think, or hope I apologized? I do think I lowered my head a bit, not in shame but a bit of embarrassment. Who am I to pass judgement? Not what I had read in that bible, but here I was. So maybe reflection started then. I also while not going active with the sorority, I did continue to participate in the events and parties. And yes I drank. I didn’t and have never had a problem with alcohol, moderation was my path. But I did drink. Wonder if I might not have if that “witness” back in 1979 was to go to a party with someone I was interested in and not drink? Honestly, pretty sure he just didn’t want to go with ‘me’. That’s fine.
There is barely a day that goes by that I’m not thinking about my foundation or a foundation for character, morality, ethics and wrapping all of that in decency. I also think about those in my world while growing up who are either silent or post here or there things that lean toward still supporting the current president and this administration. Even as they tore families apart and moved forward with policies and attitude lacking decency and morality. Taking innocent people in for no reason and now killing peaceful protestors on the streets exercising their constitutional rights.
And for what?
Abortion? Anti-vax? Irony. My body my choice when it fits my ideology. 2nd Amendment, good for me not for thee. Law Enforcement? What is happening right now is not law enforcement or immigration enforcement. They are not working with anyone to capture and deport rapists and murderers. They are murdering and detaining innocent people to cover a corrupt and lawless administration.
Again, for what?
None of what is happening or has happened for a long time fits into any definition of morality, character, ethics or decency that I was taught or thought was the foundation of Christianity.
There is an arm or section of Christianity that is running scared and fear the false narrative that has been carefully and successfully crafted just for them. And they are fully on board. I do not know 99.999% of those people, but I would venture a wild guess that none of them have the resources to fully survive where we are now economically. The damage will be done. Lack of insurance or income will cause early unnecessary death and poverty. Yet they hold strong and their steadfast loyalty or commitment does not fail.
And for what?