Lesson 153
I think I did this before I started reading A Course in Miracles back in the 90’s.
Was it or is it because competition hasn’t ever been something that drove me or I felt necessary in my life. I didn’t need to be better or best. I just needed to be. So sports was out. I had some skill, but maybe not enough to compensate for my lack of completive nature to WIN. What did winning mean anyway?
ACIM ~ Lesson 153 “in my defenselessness my safety lies.”
That lack of the need for competition carried over into relationships. I didn’t need to be right. I didn’t need to be in charge. I didn’t need to be the leader. I just needed to be. I’m sure my introversion impacted this as well, but it was who I was.
I didn’t need a lot of friends. And certainly too much ‘peopling” was always a challenge. Even before that was ever spoken or used to describe too much interaction with others.
This week the situation at hand has odd familiarity. It feels the same internally, that while not exactly, similar. I am the defendant and only the prosecution gets a voice. There is only one side to this story. This story, only one side is given light and attention. Guilty.
A quick check in. This is nothing legal or legally actionable. Just life. Don’t want anyone to think otherwise.
I will admit, that this time, while I won’t say I defended myself, I did stand up for myself. More than I ever have. So a different kind of defense.
What was unspoken was not just me here, as it normally would be. The unspoken of the other party was for me spoken in the acceptance of the counter.
If you know me or have been in certain situations with me or maybe read something here or there, you might have heard me speak of the solar plexus in relation to chakras. I was told several years ago by a someone that I take information in through my solar plexus. She said, good news is, you know what people are thinking and feeling. Bad news is, you know what people are thinking and feeling.
Daily I work to use this to an advantage or a benefit and certainly not a weapon.