A lot
I am okay. What I am not okay with is the destruction that too many are allowing to happen and too many standing back like’s it’s acceptable. For the life of me, if I know you, you voted for the current president and at this point do not see the description that he is handing out daily to stroke his insecurities, I don’t and will also have to say, I don’t and never knew you. Because, why would I find it acceptable to align my values with someone who essentially is dismissing those values at this point. And for what?
I know that some were single issue voters. I was too. My issue, qualified experience.
I’ve said to myself so many times over the years that I don’t think I was put here on this earth at this time to understand. I wrote the other day that I’m having a hard time. I’m okay.
My hard time is the indifference. There is a part o me that knows that it’s always been there, permission was granted and this is who we are. It still takes my breath away to see and hear the cruelty that some have no issue or hesitation to, as they say, say the quiet part out loud.
There is a lot going on for all of us. The unknown of tomorrow while it presents no imprint, it gives us potential. Opportunity to be. An opportunity to slide back or make a choice to move forward. It can be a gift. It can be a continuation of the challenge that sits with you right this minute. It can be completely new and different, yet there will still be yesterday, last week, last month, last year.
In my continued effort to stay away from the noise that is intended to disrupt and keep us wound, I’m not watching news. I discontinued steaming services that provided the 24/7 new sources. Their contribution to the environment that we are in today is on understatement. How those with the responsibility have maintained no responsibility.
Also, did you know that there is a Three Stooges channel?
As I am writing this right now I’ve been watching Wynonna Judd: Between Hell and Hallelujah. I saw them live back in the 80’s at Kemper Arena. This was a documentary about the concert tour that was to be a final tour, but Naomi took her life before it was to start. I actually watched the concert a few weeks ago.
It doesn’t take much for me to cry these days. Age, the shifts in life that meet us all along the way. The shifts that seem to be past repair or a place of care that allows us to care for each other and see our differences with grace and wonder instead of vitriol, separation and indifferent hate.
The plates started shifting tectonically in 2017. Left field was an understatement. Deep down that shift, even as I think about it right now I have little to describe it. The word debilitating comes to mind, but also seems extreme. Then 2018, 2022, 2023 and now. If I spend too much time thinking about it I can’t help but think or wonder the impact that 2017 had.
By the end of 2023, the residue of just the 5 years prior to that was a blur. But at a time when, more than ever I needed a focus that I couldn’t rally. I didn’t want to be the adult but there was no choice.
Then an election year and the unsettling potential of a reality of today what while I hoped would be different, that part of my gut that tells me things knew better.
It doesn’t take much of me to cry these days I think because I didn’t have time to stop and cry in 2022 or even grieve in 2023 and now maybe I am, maybe I can.
Grief is normal and natural. Added to that now is the unnatural not normal state of the effort some are making to keep most of us unsettled.
