November 6, 2024
I try to analyze my tears. Maybe I shouldn’t. You tell me. Or don’t.
I feel, in my opinion of course, it is a loss of a hope that we were different. Not in the way you think but in our ideals, our thoughts around morality, ethics our diversity, and as a friend asked a few weeks ago, “What happened to the notion of not calling people names and being nice to one another? Just asking…”.
Yes, I think I will forever be asking that question because of who asked it of me. Someone I’ve known since kindergarten who is a supporter of the candidate re-elected.
Some days I feel like the conservative. When you try to understand something that has no logic, no reason, no sense, there is no understanding. For some reason, this also made me think of Scrooge near the end of “A Christmas Carol” when he says to his nephews wife, “Can you forgive a pig-headed old fool for having no eyes to see with, no ears to hear, all these years?”. They have no eyes to see, no ears to hear. They choose to not see and hear.
Why do tears flow on this day? Is it because for years I was able to hold them, to keep them to myself and not let others see them? And can no longer do that? Is it a collective overwhelming loss, my parents, their decline, making that decision for them to leave their home for a small room in a facility because it was safer? Is it because of the choices my brother made late in life, with no explanation, with the result of a long incarceration? How to analyze the collective impact of all of that? What did one mean to the other? Where does it all sit? Sadness. Anger. Grief. Where does one put that?
And now the reality that friends and more Americans saw a better choice, yes in my opinion, in indecency over decency, dishonor over honor, disrespect over respect, division over unity, name calling and disparagement. White male mediocrity rather than black excellence, education, experience, decency and fairness.
White male mediocrity, how sad for all of us. This is who we are. Racist, misogynistic and fearful of who we could be, so we embrace the worst of us. We embrace the past, what we think is a safety when it is far from it.
Waking up this morning to the reality, while expected, wasn’t welcome. Like a child covering my eyes to not see, I changed the channel to news to see the lower 3rd and what news it would reveal, ‘re-elected”.
Through some tears I opened Flip book on the iPad for a distraction. First thing I read after seeing the results;
What Buddhism can teach in this moment of deep divisions: No person is ‘evil,’ only ‘mistaken’. The author mentions the story of Angulimala. A new story for me.
“This puzzles Angulimala. He asks for an explanation. The Buddha replies, “Angulimala, I stopped committing acts that cause suffering to other living beings a long time ago. I have learned to protect life, the lives of all beings, not just humans. Angulimala, all living beings want to live. All fear death. We must nurture a heart of compassion and protect the lives of all beings.”
After reading about Angulimala, this was the next thing I opened to read, Charlie Sykes opinion on MSNBC.
I fully admit to waffling back and forth. Sorting through my emotions, feeling what in my heart believes people voted for and voted against. Yes, emotions and feelings. Not ashamed to say that. And I’ll say it again, they voted for white male mediocracy, racism, misogyny and against black excellence, educated and experience.
Important words tonight from Sherrilyn Ifil.
