Thursday, 4 July 2013

I’ve longed believed that things happen for a reason and not just by chance.


I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the things I do, or have to do.  Or the things I do even if it’s something that I don’t want to or because I’m uncomfortable.  I’ve been thinking about all the things I’ve done for one reason or another that I would have preferred to not do.  I’ve been thinking that I just do it. I’m an adult and there are paradoxes.


I read this that someone shared on Facebook a few nights ago.



Good morning, dear ones. 

I went to bed last night — after a long visit with extended family this week — pondering this thought: The happiest people I have ever met seem to be the ones who are capable of holding two (or more) completely contradictory ideas in their heads at the same time. 


They are able to look at a loved one and see how he is both marvelous and impossible (neither one nor the other, but absolutely both). 


They are able to see their neighbors and friends as both generous and selfish, in equal measure. 


They are able to look at a difficult situation and see that it is both painful and transformative, both a disaster and a terrific chance for a breakthrough. 


They are able to regard their own lives as both noble and ridiculous. 


They are able to see the world as both astonishingly benevolent and incredibly unjust. 


The happiest people I know do not cling to one side of any duality, or draw firm lines in the sand.


They don’t render hard decisions about anything or anyone, and then try to cram reality into the small, unrealistic boxes they have built for it. 


They don’t invent storylines and then stick with that storyline, no matter what may shift or change.


The unhappy people, on the other hand, cannot seem to bend. While the happy ones are open to all sorts of messy contradictions and inconsistencies, the unhappy ones live in a grid of their own design — a black and white grid of insistent opinion that quickly becomes a prison. 


The happiest people of all seem able to embody a notion my guru once said during a speech, when she’d been assaulted all day by increasingly anxious questions from seekers demanding all sorts of certainties: “People, let’s be honest with each other. We are all adults here. It’s time to face the truth: THERE ARE PARADOXES.”


If you cannot make space in your mind and heart for all the wild paradoxes that surround you, then you will probably have trouble finding happiness in this messy, gorgeous world. 


I walked away from my family time this week with these words in my head, this reminder: MAKE ROOM. (And when in doubt, make EVEN MORE room.) 


How do we do it? 


How do you make space for the paradoxes?


Curious to hear your thoughts…


Peace out,


Liz (Elizabeth Gilbert – Eat, Pray, Love)



I do things, I guess we all do things that we don’t want to or feel like doing sometimes.  But I find that very often I do things that I don’t like or am slightly uncomfortable with because it is for someone else and is not about me.  Make room.  I’m not a big fan of parties or crowds.


I find it interesting that there are people out there who just don’t make room.  Their comfort or choice regardless of whom it might hurt is the priority.  Is that brave?  Is it bold?  Is it hurtful?  Does it matter?  Make room.


There are some people that I would do anything for.  In other words, if it means enough for someone to include me or invite me to something for them I’m going to try very hard to over look the reasons why not to go when they specifically lie with me having an opposing opinion or feeling toward someone who will also be there. It’s not about me at that point.  Make room.


I probably come off to some as aloof or arrogant but that’s only because I am extremely uncomfortable around people that I don’t know.  I am uncomfortable in a small group, work, party any social gathering that involved people I don’t know.  I’d rather stand on a stage in an arena and talk to thousands of people than go to a small party or gathering.  Even if there are people there I know.


I’ve always worried that those there who know me will feel some obligation to make me feel comfortable or included.  So I avoid that scenario.


It’s not about me.  Most always, it’s not about me.  I’m very used to that and roll with that on a daily basis.


“People, let’s be honest with each other. We are all adults here. It’s time to face the truth: THERE ARE PARADOXES.”


Life doesn’t hand you everything in a nice package with a neat bow or even in any sort of a package actually.  Think how you come into this life that you’ve chosen.  Plop, wet, messy, sticky, moving from the quiet warmth of water to a harsh bright white place and all of a sudden someone is poking you, wiping you off and wrapping you up in something that I guess is suppose to resemble in some way the place you just came from.


Then depending on that choice, you have a million lessons to learn and to navigate through.  If you are lucky, early on you have a certain amount of enlightenment that you have a certain understanding that life is a lesson in transition.


Are we adults?  What does that mean?  Paradoxes.


Some of us are lost and can’t seem to find our way back.  Some of us feel that there is a certain obligation that is due us because of one thing or another.  Some of us are stuck.  Make room.


In my last Body Talk Session it came up that I needed to read Eckkart Tolle.  To browse his books in the store of my choice and pick one.  I’ve been told that I brought into this life from another the remnants of a vow of silence.  “Stillness Speaks” seemed appropriate.


Towards the end of the books is this;


“Much suffering, much unhappiness arises when you take each thought that comes into your head for the truth. Situations don’t make you unhappy. They may cause you physical pain, but they don’t make you unhappy. Your thoughts make you unhappy. Your interpretations, the stories you tell yourself make you unhappy. “The thoughts I am thinking right now are making me unhappy.” This realization breaks your unconscious identification with those thoughts.  Tolle, Eckhart (2009-03-25). Stillness Speaks (Kindle Locations 759-763).


Make room, it’s not about you…all the time


Protecting yourself at the risk of others when it’s a personality difference is cheap.  I couldn’t think of another way to put it.  I may change that later?  It’s cheap, shallow and childish.  I am an adult and I expect this kind of thing from the small people in my life, but not the adults.


“Your interpretations, the stories you tell yourself make you unhappy.”  I think I’ve said that at least twice in the last 6 months, but yet it doesn’t make sense yet?  In my opinion.


Why is it that some of us are more resilient than others?  Why can I plow through something and someone close going through the same thing falls apart?  Strength is power and weakness.  It gives us the room to move forward and the ability to tread lightly when necessary.  To carefully navigate those around us who need more help, more support, more room.


I’m not overly smart or overly enlightened so when I am around people who seem to be overrun with struggles, I question my ability to feel.  To suffer, to feel emotionally unable to handle what I have chosen to learn this lifetime.


I hear people say things like, how can I get them to understand?  How can I get them to accept me?  I get it.  I’ve thought that as well.  But the reality of it all is, it’s not my place to get someone to understand or to accept me.  It is my place to live my truth and be the example.  I am not here to change anyone for anything or any reason.  I am not here to get anyone to understand anything.  I am here to live my life and do no harm to another living being.


Brené Brown in her book The Gifts of Imperfection talks about the difference between happiness, joy and gratitude.  “Joy is not a constant.  It comes in moments-often ordinary moments.  Sometimes we miss out on the burst of joy because we’re too busy chasing down extraordinary moments.”   “I believe a joyful life is made up of joyful moments gracefully strung together by trust, gratitude, inspiration, and faith.


Joy is not constant.  And like my brother likes to say, “when you least expect it, expect it.”  Another reason to make room.


Make room.  Be present and let go of your competing contradictions.

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